They stared longingly into each other’s eyes, declaring their undying long for one another. Over the next few weeks and months they spend countless hours telling each other how much the other one means to them. After living out the lyrics of every codependent love song ever written, will the earlier words of, “I need you and can’t live without you,” morph into, “I don’t want to see you anymore?” When a desire becomes a need, an addiction or a hard habit to break is the certain result. There is a difference between enjoying your favorite food or desert, and craving it to the point that you must have it.
One of my greatest challenges in life has been learning how to distinguish between my ‘needs’ and my ‘wants.’ But the greater challenge has been learning how to fulfill my needs and regulate my wants.
Disciplined desire will keep an appetite from becoming a need or an addiction. When sex, food, money, entertainment, or anything else controls me, I will become a slave to my desires. I used to think that I merely had to get control over the thing I desired or was addicted to, but I discovered that that would only lead to an addiction to something else. Have you ever seen a person quit smoking, only to become addicted to food? Or a person ends an addictive relationship, only to become addicted to drugs, alcohol, another addictive relationship, or all three? Or, a caretaker become addicted to caretaking?
Medicine treats the symptoms, helping us to get control over the thing to which we are addicted, and sometimes multiple addictions require multiple medicines. Whether it is a need that was never met, or a desire out of control, medicine, knowledge, therapy, and other treatments are designed to help us regain control of ourselves but sometimes, they too become an addiction. If our goal is healing, and not just treatment, we must discipline ourselves for the successful transference of power from the outside to the inside. The Bible says, “It is better to have self-control than to control an army.” (Proverbs 16:32 TLB) With the help of God, meditation, prayer, fasting, and doing the work of disciplining myself, I have been prescription medicine-free for ten years. As I gain more control over myself, I can identify my needs and regulate my appetites, treating the problem and not just the symptoms.