Category: Blog

You have probably heard the expression, “you are what you eat.”  Well, I recently read a story of a woman who had been diagnosed with brain cancer.  When the doctors began surgery, they discovered that it was not cancer but a tape worm that entered her system through something she had eaten.  She ate something that slowly began to eat away at her.  Just as we can feed on food that can kill us, we can also feed on thoughts that can cripple us emotionally, spiritually, and physically, and ultimately to an untimely death. 

Studies show that stress, anger, bitterness, hurt, and even loneliness can produce acids in the body which eat away at the natural protectors of our bodies.  Unless you put acids in the right containers, the acid will eat away at the container.  Doctors and oncologists tell us that many conditions that lead to an early grave are caused by stress.  Sometimes the things that we do to relieve stress only feed the thing that is already feeding on us.  If we want to ‘live long and prosper,’ we must discipline ourselves for a diet change.

The next time you find yourself worried about what someone else is, or is not, doing, just know that you just might be preparing a meal for the worms.  If you can find a way to forgive the person who hurt you and let go of the need to hold onto the pain, you may find that there is a much healthier diet available to you.  If you find ways to release the destructive stresses in your life, you will probably discover a smorgasbord to feed from that will lead to joy instead of pain.  What a concept?  If I can acquire the discipline to stop feeding the worms, I may avoid an early grave, where the worms will then have a feast on my remains.

No matter how difficult the task, when you are excited, enthusiastic, and energetic, success seems to come easy.  On the other hand, even the easiest tasks become difficult when you are sad, depressed, or lethargic.  If we are controlled by our feelings, our success or failure will always be dependent on how we feel.   When we act based on our feelings, our behavior tends to be erratic and often irrational.  If we don’t feel like giving the extra effort required to succeed, we won’t.  If we feel like working hard today, we will.  In order to maintain control over ourselves we must make sure that our feelings do not have control over us. 

Being disciplined for success ultimately means being able to master our feelings.  Because our feelings can be subtle masters, we must develop a discipline which allows us to override our feelings so that we can make rational decisions consistently.  So then, I go when I don’t feel like going.  I get up when I feel like sleeping in.  I forgive when I want revenge.  I resist when I feel like spending.  Any feeling or emotion which has the potential to control us, will, if we cannot control ourselves. 

Our feelings play an important role in our lives but when they are in control they can also lead to our death or the death of someone else.  Stress, murder, abuse, illness, etc., are caused by feelings in charge.  In a world where we are becoming increasingly driven by our feelings, our survival may depend on our ability to govern ourselves, ‘lay all feelings aside,’ and free ourselves from the power of impulse. 

Progress indicates movement!  Success indicates that we have moved from one state to another.  Time and life work together by moving together in a rhythmic dance.  One cannot move forward without the other.  While it may seem impossible to move forward by standing still, there is a forward progress that can only be made by standing or being still.  You might ask, “How is it possible to move forward and be still at the same time?”

Well, we could say it a question of physics, but it is also a question of discipline.  The earth is in constant motion, spinning on its axis and moving through space at the same time.  So, while we are standing or being still, the earth is still turning beneath us and moving us forward in time and space at the same time.  Scientist tell us that just as the earth rotates around the sun with the rest of the planets in our galaxy, our galaxy is also moving through the universe.  Yet from our perspective on earth it appears that we are standing still. 

As we look to discipline ourselves for success, we can take lessons from nature, the earth, and the planets.  Just as children and plants grow most at night and in their sleep, sometimes our greatest thrust forward occurs when we can be still.  Being disciplined for success requires that we know how to move forward and how to be still, but it also requires that we know how to move forward by being still.  It is like standing still on a moving sidewalk.  Whether active or being still, let’s keep it moving!  Our success depends on it.

Have you ever said or heard anyone say, “I should have followed my first mind?”  Have you ever second guessed yourself, only to discover later that your first thoughts were the best?  With all the thoughts that go through our minds every minute, how do we select the best ones to follow?  Although the fastest computers hold more data and process information faster than the human brain, the human brain processes data more efficiently. https://www.scientificamerican.com/article/computers-vs-brains/ https://medium.com/thrive-global/the-human-brain-vs-computers-5880cb156541

There has been a lot talk about the dangers of Artificial Intelligence (AI) and whether we could end up living in a world controlled by computers and machines.  While I believe this is a real danger, presently we still hold the edge.  The question and challenge for us is, how can we maximize the efficiency and effectiveness of our mental computers? 

If we discipline our minds and focus our thoughts, we can improve our data processing system so that we spend less time and energy second guessing ourselves and mindlessly spinning our wheels.  Like we use our GPS navigational systems, we want our thoughts to find clear paths to our destinations, even if we decide to take the scenic route.  Sometimes our indecision leads to constant rerouting which can lead to frustration and burnout.  Sometimes we ‘bite off more than we can chew’, underestimating our time and ability which can cause our mind to overload.  An overloaded mind can lead to a system crash, circuit overload, or a breakdown. 

As we discipline our minds to recognize and control spinning thoughts, we can reduce the stress on our mental hard drives.  Disciplined for success, we then set clear destinations, and program ourselves for the efficient and effective use of these great internal computers that we have.  What amazing minds!

Growing up, my Mom would always tell us, “if you cannot find anything good to say about a person, don’t say anything about them at all.”  I realize now, that in order to follow this dictum, you must at least attempt to find something good about the other person before you judge or criticize.  When I thought of all the negative things I hear said about others just overhearing conversations in public, listening to politicians or advocates for justice, or just reading something online I thought to myself that there would be an eerie sound of silence in the world if we decided to look for the good in other before criticizing them. 

In order to discipline our tongues, we must first discipline our thoughts.  In order to discipline our thoughts, we must see the value in having a new outlook on life.  When our outlook changes, what we do, how we think, what we say, and how we treat and interact with others will change.  Emotional reactions can block clear thinking and lead to poor decisions. 

The next time you are tempted to say something negative about a person, ask yourself is there anything good I can say first.  If not, perhaps another cliché may help in this regard.  “Whenever you form your hand to point at someone else in accusation, just remember that three fingers are pointing back at you.”  When I deal with the three pointing at me, I usually have a different approach when I address the other person.  There is also a poem I heard that I keep in mind to keep me disciplined:

“There is much good in the worst of us

And much bad in the best of us

So, it doesn’t behoove any of us

To talk about the rest of us!”

Today we honor fathers.  Some fathers were there all the time, through thick and thin.  Some fathers were never there.  Some died before their children had a chance to know them.  Some spent the formative years of the children’s lives in prison.  Some started other families and neglected their firstborn.  Some were great providers, teachers, and caregivers.  Some are living and some are dead. Some were fathers to those they adopted or to children who were not their own.  Whichever category your father or fathers are in, I hope you took time today to honor them.  Everyone living has their biological father’s DNA, so at the least we honor the DNA. 

If you were loved and nurtured by your father honor him today.  If you were abandoned, hurt, abused, or neglected by your father, forgive him today so that his brokenness in you can be healed.  My father passed 22 years ago this month and I find that I am still learning from him and learning more about him posthumously.  Today as I honor my father, I realize that my emphasis on discipline for success came to a great degree from the knowledge and wisdom I received from my father.  Yet, I would not have been able to honor him, or gain from his wisdom, if I had not been able to forgive him for some of the pain caused by abuse. 

One of the great challenges we all have is to sift what we received from our fathers so that we can allow the good to remain, learn from their mistakes and shortcomings, and discipline ourselves to become better because of them.  So, no matter what kind of father you have or had, if you discipline yourself to see your father through clear eyes, you will see value which will lead to new levels of success in your life.

Happy Father’s Day!

Sometimes you just don’t want to hear it, not even from yourself.  Sometimes it can be staring you in the face and it seems easier to deny it than to embrace it.  When told by others, sometimes it enrages us.  It has the power to make us or break us.  We run from it, but it always finds us.  Though we sometimes avoid it like the plague, we can never escape its whisper.  Sometimes we even reject it on our deathbeds.  So, you ask, what is this often feared and seldom revered thing that we sometimes so cleverly evade?

Well, the thing that we often deny, and want very few people to know, is “the whole truth about us.”  It is easier for us to point out our positive qualities and tell of our successes and accomplishments than it is to acknowledge our weaknesses, character flaws, and mistakes.  It is one thing to be lied to by someone else, but self-deception is perhaps the most powerful form of deceit.  If we are going to maximize our potential and discipline ourselves for the success that we are capable of, we must tell ourselves the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth about ourselves.

We need very little discipline to do what is easy or what we like.  Discipline is needed to face the difficult truths about ourselves and discipline is needed to change the things that hinder our progress.  It has been said that honesty is the best policy, but when honesty is our only policy, our discipline will guarantee our success.  If nothing else, we will save a lot of energy when we will no longer have to run from or dodge the truth.  It is time for the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth!

Every day we take a breath, we step onto the stage of life.  What role we play today is largely dependent upon us.  We may choose to let the same patterns, thoughts, and actions of yesterday continue uninterrupted.  Or we may decide to change our outlook and step onto the stage with a new attitude.  We may decide to nurse old wounds and grudges, evenly quietly in the background of our mind, and keep the anger and pain alive.  Or we may decide to forgive those who hurt us and think good thoughts towards those whom we have hurt. 

Today I step onto the stage and move from soliloquy to dialogue with others because I realize that there are roughly 7 billion other actors on the stage around me.  With that many actors on the stage there are bound to be some collisions, confusion of roles, and competition.  However, we must constantly remind ourselves that every actor and actress can play a significant role, even as an understudy.  There is no other person like me or you, we are one of a kind.  Even our fingerprints are unique, so I do not have to compete with you for your spot on the stage.  If I discipline myself to learn my lines, understand my role in the play, and play it to the best of my ability, I will have contributed something that will help others as we transform the play itself. 

History is full of people who played their parts well and made life better for generations after they left the stage, even for us.  Let us discipline ourselves to play our parts well, speak our lines with integrity, and give as much as we can on the stage, so that when we exit the stage the play itself will receive an upgrade in the ratings.

A quantum leap is defined as a giant leap forward, or any sudden and significant change, advance, or increase.  In physics may be the result of a burst of light.  We speak figuratively of a ‘light going on in our head’ in those “Aha” moments when something suddenly becomes clear.  Rapid scientific advancement has been made in the past two centuries, to a great extent, as a result of our discovery of how light works and how to use it.  Rather than flickering lights that occasionally pops on in our heads to spark a clear thought, perhaps through discipline we can learn to keep the light on for longer periods of time. 

Can you remember the last time you had an “Aha” moment?  Can you remember the last time you had a leap in your life caused by a clear understanding of what you should do?  Perhaps it is time for a ‘head’ light checkup.  Maybe the bulb needs cleaning.  Is your dimmer switch turned down?  Maybe we just need more training as to how to use our light.  We must know when to use the dimmer switch, when to use the bright lights, when to use the light of others, and when to use the natural light. 

If we are going to be disciplined for success, we must learn the discipline of light control.  As we learn how to let our light shine, we may begin to see quantum leaps in understanding much more frequently.  Just as light dispels darkness, as we make quantum leaps in knowledge and understanding, we dispel ignorance.  God has given each of us a light, and what could trigger a quantum jump in our world and the universe more than our lights shining at greater strength and capacity?  Lights on!  It’s time to leap!

Perhaps you have heard the saying, “a little knowledge is a dangerous thing.”  Looking back over the mistakes we made individually and collectively as human beings on this planet, we could probably say, “if we knew then, what we know now,” things would have turned out differently.  When we accept the fact that our knowledge always has limitations, we can keep an open mind to learn something new.  But a closed mind will hold on to old knowledge which failed and will be destined to fail again.  There is an adage which says, “he who knows not, and knows that he knows not, is wise; but he who knows not, and knows not that he knows not, is a fool.” 

Have we become too smart for our own good?  We have access to more information at their fingertips than our great grandparents may have had in their lifetimes.  Yet, they would probably be surprised that our acquisition of knowledge with the power of technology seems to have resulted in our loss of self-control.  We panic if we forget or lose our cellphones.  In fact, to an alien being, our cellphones would probably appear to be a life support device.  If we are not successful in regaining control over ourselves, we will be controlled by our gadgets and technology.  Indeed, most of what we do now is controlled through the nearly 5000 satellites in the earth’s atmosphere. 

This is an amazing time to be alive as advancements are being made in science and technology every day.  Even our space exploration is advancing by leaps and bounds.  Unless we successfully discipline ourselves and manage our lives, archaeologists may dig up our remains centuries from now and discover that we knew too much for our own good.

Some things can be done ahead of time, some things can be done anytime, and some things can only be done in real-time.  You can lay out your clothes tonight for tomorrow.  You can take time to smell the roses anytime.  You can only drive in real-time.  Well, I guess anything you do is done in real-time, but being disciplined for success means being disciplined in the use of our time.  The following sayings I heard growing up help me to be mindful of managing my time.  “A stitch in time, saves nine.”  “Never put off for tomorrow what can be done today.” “An ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure.”

Thinking ahead is something you can do ahead of time, anytime, and in real-time.  While I am driving, I can think and plan for things I may do in the next hour, the next week, or the next year.  Things I have done well in my life were often born in thought while I was running, walking, exercising, praying, or just sitting still.  Disciplining ourselves to think ahead keeps us from the trap of backwards thinking which can lead to pride, regret, second-guessing, or any number of emotions that keep us trapped in the past.   

Whatever we do today is the result of what we prepared for, or failed to prepare for, in our yesterdays. Likewise, whatever we do today is inextricably linked to our tomorrows.  For tomorrow’s dreams, take a moment between moments today and do whatever you can ahead of time.  Training occurs before game day and rehearsals come before a recital.  In order to be disciplined for success we must plan ahead, think ahead, and begin to do things ahead of time.  As we do this we will always stay ahead of the game.

Have you ever had the feeling that anything you set your mind to do, you could achieve?  History shows us that very little is impossible for us when we are focused and determined.  One of the greatest challenges I face in life is the challenge of focus and concentration.  Where I have been disciplined and focused, I have been successful.  Even when I read of those who made great discoveries and accomplished great feats, I see that they used the inner tools of focus, concentration, and determination to harness the power of their external world.  You might say that internal focus was needed to achieve external success.

The persons who invented eyeglasses, telescopes, and microscopes learned that improved vision required strengthening or aiding our ability to focus.  Focused minds throughout history have discovered ways to harness and focus the energy in our world that allows us to be so productive and connected in our world today.  Whether we talk about steam, electrical, water, solar, wind, nuclear, gas, or any other form of energy, we have focused and harnessed them for our use. 

It seems however, that the more we harness the power of our external world, the less we control ourselves.  Our smart phones, which should enhance our intelligence, often become a substitute for it.  Our social media, which has the potential to make us more sociable and interconnected, often becomes a vehicle for antisocial and divisive behavior. When we discipline ourselves from within, in every dimension of our lives, our power to control ourselves, our lives, and our world increases exponentially.  

As we become self-managers, disciplined for success, we show our children how to manage themselves.  If we do not learn to discipline ourselves, we will be controlled by phones that are smarter than us, artificial intelligence that rules us, and desires and fears that weaken us.  In a sense, we will have conquered the world and lost ourselves in the process.  It is time to refocus!

Have you ever been on a trip and found yourself feeling the fatigue of the journey? Have you ever asked liked the kids in the backseat of the car, “are we there yet? Do you remember how energized you became when you could see your destination? Over the past few weeks many have celebrated graduations. Some can tell you how relieved they were when they knew they only had a short way to go.

Sometimes we are closer to our destination than we think. Just as objects in the side view mirror are closer than they appear, sometimes our destination is closer than it appears.

Some will get married this year. Some will get out of debt this year. Some will overcome an illness this year. Some will die this year. Whatever your destination, if you look up you can prepare for it and see it as it is coming into view.

If we discipline ourselves to keep our eyes on the road, we will be energized as we see our destination coming into view.

“Tomorrow, and tomorrow, and tomorrow, Creeps in this petty pace from day to day, To the last syllable of recorded time: And all our yesterdays have lighted fools, The way to dusty death. Out, out brief candle! Life’s but a walking shadow, a poor player,That struts and frets his hour upon the stage, And then is heard no more. It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, Signifying nothing.”

This is the despairing viewpoint of William Shakespeare’s Macbeth as he comes to the close of his life.  Unfortunately, many people have been caught in the clutches of this pessimistic view of life, thinking that life has no ultimate purpose for good.  We must, however, note the pretext and context of Macbeth’s words.  At this point in his life he is experiencing madness as a result of the murderous rampage that he and his wife, Lady Macbeth, have inflicted on the people of their country because of their own selfish ambitions.  At this point in his life he has received the news that his wife, being unable to deal with the guilt and torment of their misdeeds, has committed suicide. 

When the guilt of your past is haunting you, and the hope of your future seems to bring more of the same, it is difficult to have an optimistic viewpoint on life.  Yet, I suggest that if we discipline ourselves to face our guilt and shame, we can leave yesterday’s baggage behind and forge ahead with the hope that every tomorrow will bring with it the joy and excitement of living in a new day.

With the daily discipline of discarding the old and accepting the new, every ‘today’ will bring with it fresh passion for living.  Then there may be no need for yesterdays or tomorrows because the success of today becomes our perpetual state of living.  In that state of mind, everyday gives us an upgrade from yesterday, and who needs thoughts of tomorrow when you always have great todays.

Perhaps you have heard the saying, “give credit where credit is due.”  In our rush, rush world, we sometimes fail to acknowledge kind gestures or good deeds that are done on our behalf.  Many of us were taught as children to say thank you whenever someone gives you something or does something for you, as an act of common courtesy. Saying thank you is a form of giving credit where it is due, however in our world today we tend to take credit rather than give it.  In fact, like plagiarism in writing, we often take ideas and labor from others and put our name on it. 

As an author acknowledges those who were instrumental in their development, I want to take a moment to acknowledge God as the life-driving force in my life. I began this blog on March 4^th at the beginning of a 40-day fast.  I set out to write a post everyday for 100 days.  Today is the 96^th day.  While I would like to take credit for much of the wisdom behind “Disciplined for Success,” to be honest, most of the ideas and practices that I have implemented in my own life have come during my daily times of meditation and prayer.  Proverbs 25:28 in the Bible, which says, “He that has no self-control is like a city with broken-down walls,” is the scriptural verse which helped me to see that I could “be the boss of me.”

The teaching and life example of Jesus is the model I hold as a standard to guide my discipline.  So today, I give credit where credit is due.  Because of my ongoing relationship with God and Christ, it is easier for me to be grateful for all the people in my life, and those I have encountered along the way.  I even give credit to those who have opposed me because ultimately, they too have contributed to my success.

Sometimes it may seem like we have all the time in the world, but the truth is that we are all on a timetable.  We have a limited number of days, hours, and minutes to be on earth.  How will we use the next few minutes of our lives?  How will those minutes change our days, and months and years?  To use a colloquialism, ‘in a New York minute, anything can turn on a dime.’  In our youth we often imagine a time in the future when our dreams will come true.  As we get older, after experiencing loss, disappointment, and pain, we sometimes look back and think that the time for our dreams to be realized is over. 

Grandma Moses, a folk artist who died at the age of 101 in 1961, began her painting career when she was 78 years old and became famous worldwide for her paintings, which she often sold for thousands of dollars.  A work of art she painted at the age of 95 sold for $1.2 million dollars in 2006.

No matter how old or young we are, we have the same number of minutes today that we had yesterday.  Until the time clock of our lives runs out, we will have 1,440 minutes to use each day.  If each of us came to earth with a mission to accomplish, whether we complete it will depend on how we use the time we have left.  Depending on how we use our minutes, our impact may last long after we are dead and gone.  If we discipline ourselves for the successful completion of our mission, we will realize that time is of the essence, and we will make the most of every minute.

When I was growing up, my father always had a project going on in the house, on the house, on the cars, or in the yard.  Every time we finished one project; we barely had a day to rest before another one began.  Since my mind tended to wander, I would often get “turned around”, as my father would say, sometimes forgetting what he sent me to the garage or his workroom to get.  He would often say, “study to make every move count.”  Today when I tend to get lost in thought or distracted, I find myself saying, “make every move count Ralph, don’t get turned around.” 

Perhaps I would have been diagnosed, as children are so often today, as having an “attention deficit disorder” (ADD), because I could be distracted so easily.  While I could see the value of being able to focus, I did not always know how.  My dad, on the other hand, was a very focused person.  I can still hear him saying, “When you use something, if you put it back in its place when you finish using it, you will not make double work for yourself.”

Today, through the discipline of focus, I am learning to study and plan my moves a little better.  Like a thinking chess player, I am learning to anticipate the outcome of my moves before I make them.  I am learning to read the board better.  I am learning to anticipate obstacles and challenges in advance, so that I can avoid backtracking as much as possible.  I am learning to focus on the end goal rather than just the next move. 

As I become more disciplined for success, I am learning the value of making every move count.

We know that babies and children must go through a training and development period in order to reach what we call maturity.  Although we need standards and measures to gage their development, perhaps our notion of maturity needs to be adjusted.  There are many factors that determine our growth and development, and everyone does not learn at the same rate or through the same method.  Whether it is in the area of our social and emotional learning and development, or our intellectual and skills-based development, we may advance at different paces.  I have learned some things later in life that others learned earlier in life and vice versa. 

I suggest that we develop a new discipline for success which will allow everyone to advance at their own pace without the pressure of having to keep pace with others or adhere to a preset timeframe.  Everyone must pass a test to get a driver’s license, however, some will get theirs at age sixteen, some at thirty or forty, and some may never choose to, or be able to drive.  Whether we are 25, 45, 65, or 95 years of age, we are all under construction and we can learn, develop, and grow at any age, stage, or location in life. 

Through what I call ‘the discipline of ongoing development,’ we can give ourselves and others to the freedom to return to the drawing board, set new goals, tackle new challenges, learn new things, and accomplish unbelievable feats.